Hast du schon mal versuchst ein Buch zu schreiben?
Buch schreiben? Soweit denke ich nie.
Ich schreibe für mich und habe es schon immer. Ich schreibe Geschichten. Manchmal schreibe ich Bücher weiter oder anders oder mache aus Neebncharakteren und -schauplätzen eine eigene Story.
Eine Geschichte, die es in Buchform schon aus meiner Schublade geschafft haben, war ein wirklich sehr persönliches Geschenk an meinen Opa. Eine Elfengeschichte habe ich gebunden, komplett mit Leineneinband und eigenen Illustrationen meinen Opa geschenkt - da war ich 14 und sicher etwas naiv und vor allem sehr mutig. Nachdem mein Opa gestorben ist, hat es mir meine Oma mi den Worten "Vielleicht ermutigt es dich, doch mal eine Geschichte herauszubringen," wieder zurück gegeben und es ist ein ständiger Begleiter mit Ehrenplatz in meinem Regal. Und wer weis, vielleicht schafft es irgendeine Geschichte mal "raus", aber ganz ehrlich, wenn brauche ich den besten Lektor überhaupt...
In Moment liegt eine gut 400Seiten-Geschichte in meiner Schublade, die ich immer wieder mal weiter denke. Das grösste Geschenk ist aber nach wie vor, dass diese Figuren eben so mein Leben teilen, Und ich bin mir nicht sicher, ob ich die jemals mit einer grösseren Leserschaft teilen möchte oder könnte.
Nichtsdestortrotz schreibe ich immer wieder mal ein Kapitel, überdenke, verändere und - vor allem verbringe ich Zeit mit meinen Figuren. Interessanterweise schreibe ich an vielen Stellen gleichzeitig und folge damit nicht einer Zeitlinie noch einen Charakter. Das bedeutet aber auch, dass man eine eigene Organisation haben muss und immer wieder die Handlung und das Geschriebene auf Kontinuität nachprüfen muss. Mein Kopf denkt dabei in einer sehr verwirrenden Art, ich weiss nicht immer alles von meinen Figuren, manchmal verraten sie mir Sachen erst sehr spät. Vielleicht ist es mein Unterbewusstsein, wer weiss. Aber es macht Spass und viel träume ich auch... Dabei ist das behalten, dann eine echte Kunst und nicht immer ist das geträumte gut genug für eine Geschichte, oft ist es aber Basis. Was ich aber an Autoren bewundere und bewundert habe, ist es zu wissen, wann eine Geschichte zu Ende erzählt ist.
Was ich weiss, dass es mindestens 3 Teile hat - und in 3 verschiedenen Zeitlinien mit verschiedenen Wissensständen der Protagonisten spielt: Ein bisschen wie Fringe, ein bisschen Zurück in die Zukunft, ein bisschen wie Vampire Diaries, ein klitzekleines bisschen wie Twilight und sehr viel Chaos von mir... Das ganze könnte unter dem Leitwort " Wenn deine Vergangenheit die Zukunft ist" stehen...
On that note I'm brave enough to share a very small excerpt of that story, that involves werewolves, vampires, witches, hybrids, time travel and what not else... this part plays at 1957 - the earliest time period in that plot -, when the still not identified mystery hybrid, without name and past, twentysomething, meets the last time with Jasper. Jasper is a member of the not so friendly "neighbour" coven, who still doesn't know about her being hybrid, nor her living in a vampire home, that includes Jared. The werewolf does know about her coven being okay with vampire passing through and living on her "turf", partly the reason why the relationship is more or less unfriendly between both "packs", Jaspers alpha Robert is one strict leader and partaker of the supernatural war going on - against vampires....
It'll end how it started...
Of course Jasper had noticed my absence, as feared he was pacing up and down his porch. When he saw me as a wolf he turned around to give me enough privacy to change, the instance I was done his eyes were back on me. He didn't need to say a word, his mood was clearly shown on his face. He was disappointed that I had gone without his knowledge, guilt started to rush through me. I owed him more than a note, he was right to be mad at me.
“I'm sorry,” I whispered as soon as I was close enough for him to hear.
He just nodded silently, still mad.
“I really had to go, I needed to talk to him, and I needed to do it without anyone knowing.”
-”So you're not only having trouble with Robert, you also have trouble with a vampire on your turf.”
“Yeah, I guess, I messed up badly.”
-”Didn't he knew?” Jasper asked quietly, and I knew he was pointing out that vampires normally smelled werewolves from quite a distant. I needed to be careful not to reveal too much.
“He actually did, but transforming with him close by did endanger him as well. Knowing and seeing is probably a difference to him,” I replied, trying to be vague on the matter. I didn't want to lie to Jasper, but I needed to hide some of the truth.
-”Why did that happen anyway?” he asked curious, and from his point this was probably the most essential question.
“Well, I guess, I'm not very trained, I kind of implode when I'm too emotional...” I answered with a sigh. He nodded clearly understanding that problem.
He suddenly straightened himself, looking up at the sky before he continued to speak: “I need you to be honest with me right now,” he stated. Instead of nodding I just waited, I didn't know if I would be able to promise him honesty.
-”You do like that vampire more than you should as a werewolf?” he asked, but in his voice it wasn't hard to read that he already knew the answer himself. Jasper was very sensitive in that matter, this time I just nodded, there wasn't much else I could do. “I will not brag that to Robert, though I guess he suspects as much. I will also not judge you by that, I just need to know, because...” he stopped right there. The atmosphere had changed quite a bit since the beginning of the talk, he
wasn't angry any more, he looked more shy which made me guardedly.
”Because what?” I asked after a while, since he didn't looked like he would go on without me pressing for it. He sighed deeply before going on.
-”I do like you a lot. I will not force myself on you, because I once loved the wrong person myself and I do know there isn't much to do about that,” he explained whispering, not able to met my stunned gaze.
“Maybe I just did the same mistake all over again,” he continued with an even quieter voice. I didn't know how to react on that, I really wasn't expecting this and I still struggled to accept that I liked Jared even more than I thought. I wasn't able to handle another person with feelings for me, it was all too much. I held my hands up to stop him from going on.
“Don't,” I pleaded, “don't do that. I do like you very much and I'm very grateful for everything you did for me so far, but I just cannot handle...” he nodded on my last words and when I came that far, he stopped my words with his finger on my lips.
-”I do understand. But you need to understand why I couldn't help myself but help you. I do realize you have feelings for that
bloodsucker,” I flinched by his choice of words, “I realised by the way you looked at him and I respect your feelings. As I said, I do know about it a bit myself, but there is no way Robert or anybody else in my coven will understand. They will not know until my next shift, but I very much recommend that you sort that out. Either way you will need to leave in a bit.”
His words were harsh but somehow I had expected as much. Ever since I had walked to Fisher to meet Robert yesterday I knew that I had spoiled the families future in Greensville, with Robert knowing about Jared and now knowing that I kind of liked him too much, there was no way that we could stay any longer.
I sighed loudly and looked up. Jasper tried to look casual but he wasn't able to hide his emotions. I swallowed hard, there wasn't much I could do about it. Maybe it was for the best, as he had just told me that he liked me, too. Within that last year I had learned how a packs mind worked. He might feel that way now, but if Robert found out about my close relationship to Jared, he would make Jasper hate me as well. Jasper would be caught in an inner fight of his feelings and the packs mind. If I said goodbye now, he would be able to use the hate of Robert, there would be no need of the different feelings inside him to fight. As he spoke the next words, I knew he was thinking the same.
-”So this is goodbye,” he whispered. I nodded, not being able to speak.
-”Well, I guess I knew it since yesterday.”
I flinched at his words, it reminded me painfully on how this situation had changed everything, though my double play wasn't revealed by both sides, still it had turned on me.
“I guess there is still enough time for a coffee,” I muttered without much hope, but it earned me one of my favourite smiles from Jasper. -”Then it will end how it started. I like the thought.”
He turned and opened the door to the kitchen, while I waited outside. I knew he needed time to grasp the decision, but even more I wasn't able to handle his sad gaze. From the first day I had met Roberts pack I had always liked Jasper the most, and this incident would not only cost him trouble. It made me sick, that I had to leave this way.
When he returned only ten minutes later I had managed to compose my feelings as well and I had sworn to myself, that I wouldn't make it more difficult by crying. For once I would be a true werewolf within a pack who needed to restrain the feelings in order to save the coven from it. But Jasper countered my plan with one question.
“Have you thought that through?” he asked me as he handed me a huge cup of hot coffee.
I sighed, “There isn't much to think.”
-”Well, he is still a bloodsucker and you're a werewolf, as much as it might not be an issue now, there will be times it will.” Though he had no clue about my whole existence he had nailed my problem down, I nodded in agreement.
-“You are leaving the security of a pack, maybe not your own, although I cannot imagine a pack being okay with that kind of relationship. But Robert will make sure that you will not be able to ever join one.”
I looked at him, carefully choosing every word.
”I'm aware of that, still...”
I didn't need to finish that sentence, Jasper just nodded. In that moment I knew for sure, that whatever had happened in his past, I should have asked him earlier. He wouldn't reveal it now, though, instead I blurred out another truth.
“I'll miss you Jasper, I'll miss you as a very wise friend.”
-”I'm not wise...” he stated and the rest of the coffee we drank in silence. We had said everything that needed to be said, all the rest was best said in silence.